It seems that whatever is suggested or offered to mum recently is wrong. The hearing aid was not as promised, the nurses at St Christophers are getting on mums nerves, she is sick of the doctor mentioning anxiety, the new carer is no good as she doesn't understand what mum wants, and my sister should not come around daily but believe text updates from mum.... All of these are of course mums perceptions of how things are.
In reality, but without wishing to sound harsh, she just seems a little unwilling and ungrateful right now. With help being offered at every turn and dip in the road, I personally feel humbled by how much is being done by both the NHS and the hospice to help with mums comfort and condition.
Anxiety IS an issue, and the more you step back and look in, you can see how some of these mood swings and outbursts are driven by the anxiety she is feeling. And before you say it, yes, of course I can understand the feeling of anxiety in all this. Difference is, I am accepting medication to try and help with my anxiety, caused by dealing with the stresses of mums anxiety. She of course finds it amusing that I am in fact taking medication for her. If I wasn't, I honestly think I would be close to giving up right now.
Today, following on from yesterday, the carer situation has once again changed.
Meeting the new carer yesterday afternoon mum said other than some difficulty understanding the carer (middle aged indian woman), she was lovely, effective and efficient. Today however she is now useless, not going to work and can't understand a word mum is saying, let alone mum understanding her.
The old carer made her last visit this morning, and from what I understand, Sandy, the new one starts covering both visits from tomorrow. From "just hanging around passing time", we are now at "could not get out fast enough". It truly seems, like me, whatever the carers do, its wrong.
As I have mentioned before the carer has been coming an hour early recently. It started as a one off and soon became the norm. This is why I requested a change. Today, when poor Sandy said she would be here at 8 tomorrow, mum was angry with her, complaining that she was messing about and she was meant to be here for 7. Not actually the case, 8 is correct. They finally agreed 8, which is a relief to me. I then explained in private to Sandy why there was confusion. Thankfully she was fine about this.
I am really hoping that mum can get along with this carer, and all the worry and stress about her that I have can relax a little. With my sister now visiting in the afternoons too, (just started yesterday) hopefully this is the start of me getting back to work. That said, mum is already saying to my sister that it must be a terrible strain on her, and maybe she should just call or text if she needs anything. Obviously I have set my mum straight, telling her that her recent honesty issues and hiding problems meant this was not an option, and physical visits were the only way. (Harsh but fair)
OK all this thinking is giving me a headache now. The day has already been too much for me. Medication and walk the dogs time I think. Air is needed!
Thanks for reading
Regards
Michael
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